The only consistent thing in my life..
After quite a time of “shuffling” between the good and the bad; After stepping back & forth in life; After growing a bit by bit daily (still), after meeting the bad, worse and the worst; After tripping so many times and standing up to dust off the dirt; After thinking that I can never go on in this life; After picking up the pieces of me.. I found out…
You see, as everyone of you out there or should I say many, we think that life is fun, life is Pink, life is no worries, life is what we want it to be, life is supposed to be like we want it to be, I found out things do not go our ways, not all the time probably but no matter what we do, no matter how sad, glad, successful, high or proud.. nothing matches up to the feeling I get nowadays; The feeling of being different. I am not unique and certainly not the best and I need lots of work on me before I start preaching for I was not an angel – some people forget the fact that we are but only humans and we do mistakes, some of which we create ourselves and others that are thrown in our face and we through that have to be patient but till when?!
I often speak about routine and how boring things are, how activities even turn out dull after a while bas the only thing I find myself anxious to do at time and get pretty agitated when is postponed is praying; Honestly, I was not like that my entire life and as I said above, still missing a lot to be into religion am not dayna bas the term used is moltezma. There comes a time when the things you do at certain age becomes wrong, when you open your eyes to reality.. a group of people in one way, the others go the opposite direction and some are just lingering in the middle, lost or have misconceptions about certain issues or about their presence or life or god… It’s a touch issue that some would argue harshly with me for but to be religious doesn’t mean isolating one’s self from the rest of the world.. it is hard nowadays to sit and see how things are turning out to be; So much ugliness, in manners and behaviors and that cannot be changed and I don’t wanna change how things are but as I am sitting now, a group of girls (I know I am now backstabbing them allah yesame7ni) are talking about obscene stuff and changing noses o boobs! That’s sick! Ukkhhh. It is hard for me to hear that and not judge them although I shouldn’t but what’s sad is that I know that someone out there is backstabbing me probably; Should I care?! You’d say no but I wanna sleep at night resting sure that someone out there also has positive thoughts on me..
The only consistent things in my life now are my family, the mother and the father who work their butts off to give all that we want and more and God, yes God! The connection is frail but I don’t wanna play games with who is constantly watching me, taking care of me and giving me life that is 7amdellah better off than many deprived people out there…
Contradictive?! Why? Because I often blog about things that are not of religious nature? Because I listen to music or watch TV? Because some might think that I am obsessed with fashion, make up and latest gossip?! Well, what’s in the heart is only mine and the only one “seeing” me is Allah…
September 7th, 2006 at
you can still be religous and care about these things, i don’t see how they make you any less religous, and even though we are of different faiths, i too only feel at peace after i pray, we have this in common :) rfaith is the one thing that keeps us sane:p
September 7th, 2006 at
Faith is faith in every religion babe… you are right and at the end, yes this private moment with God does make a difference..
September 8th, 2006 at
Sallam alaikoum sister..
it may be just me.. or that’s what you were poiting out.. that you dont wanna be misjudged from the way you act true?
but sister, remember.. if you want ppl to think good about you and you want to rest in bed … then please Allah first… :)
i’m sure you have pleased ALlah.. and you are a good muslim..
but we should all try harder and harder to be better and better.. :)
by pleasing Allah, ppl will be pleased by you believe me.. :)
i dont wanna sound like a m3aQida..
and i apologize if i said anything that was harsh to you..
Jazakee ALlah khair for this post :)
September 9th, 2006 at
religioun is a way of life, i keep telling myself i care about religioun.. but i end up saying that sentance more than actually caring about religion. yes i pray, and i do what god has ordered me to do..but the sins are still doable. its a struggle that we have to go thru.. but there are really long times when i find myself totally at peace with my self and God..
as to theconsistant thing in ur life. that to me too, in my case, my mother.. because my father died. use ur wildest imaginations to make them enjoy having u. :)
September 9th, 2006 at
Great post! Mashallah, it shows maturity, self respect and as u said iltizaam…
September 9th, 2006 at
Wa 3aleiki elsalam Hope sis, you know how I feel about you :) so, don’t apologize at all be3aks what you say is true; Allah is more important and he is the only one that will be judging, punishing and praising us youm elqayama so human judgment doesn’t or should I say shouldn’t concern me. Harder implementation yes enshallah, I don’t wanna be called a hypocrite, fa my own pace although I know that death doesn’t wait.. jazakee allah kheir babe
Bloo, eldein ta3amol o also the divine rules that we cannot touch, change or ignore. Every person either has a certain pace or sub7anallah (I don’t wanna say that religious people are better than us) are ready and holding on to religion with ease with no struggle… I hope me, you and whoever wants, find el hedaya o elra7a that we seek.
As for my family, OH YEAH! If you ask my mom, she’s gonna tell you that she reeeeeaally enjoys havin’ me around!
OT Thanks.. after getting kicked, pretty much everywhere!
September 9th, 2006 at
You know your post got me thinking about something, when it comes to religion some people seem to think like you said no TV no music, lock yourself in your room, deprive yourself from the little enjoyable things in this world and so on..which in my opinion is B.S al7amdila i pray, know what’s 7aram and 7alal and even wear the hijab BUT that doesn’t mean that i couldn’t have fun within the limits of Islam, don’t be hard on yourself and who knows even with the sins we have at least we are honest about ourselves and may even be better then those religious freaks out there.
September 11th, 2006 at
People we need to stop caring of what image you project to people, thats not what matters
they dont matter .. what matters is the image you see when you look at yourself in the mirror, if you like what you see than carry on living without giving a damn of what the next person might think of you
its energy draining and occupies un-needed space in your brain which you can occupy with more usefull things….so let it go who cares
if only god matters than only god matters. is my comment irrelevant?
maybe but who cares ;p
September 12th, 2006 at
Hmmm, No it aint irrelevant ! Yeah, I don’t care :)