Chikapappi

Introduction:
Let’s get things started by giving you an online definition of Jealousy:

“A state of fear, suspicion or envy caused by a real or imagined threat to one’s possessive instincts.”

Now, many people incorporate jealousy to envy since they have this thin line differentiating between them, so here’s another definition just to keep you clear on the subject:

“Envy and jealousy are closely related, however a connotation difference exists. To quote Webster, “Envy denotes a longing to possess something awarded to or achieved by another . . . Jealousy, on the other hand, denotes a feeling of resentment that another has gained something that one more rightfully deserves. Jealousy also refers to anguish caused by fear of losing someone or something to a rival.”
So this may be the best way for me to start this post & not have you misjudge me in any sorta way; You’re welcome if you want to ! bas do not be harsh on “nice chikapappi” :)

The Post:

Isn’t it funny that we, human beings, find it so hard to admit & confess our weakness in public & stay haunted with the scars of shame & egocentrism to the point that we all wear those masks- that hides our real identities but not for long. The charade comes to an end one day & that’s when things turn out ugly. I try to be as real as I can be but one of my cons is trying to be the “savior” or the “problem solver”, I just feel it’s ok to intrude in order to make things better when it actually worsens the whole damn thing! I never learned, never will I guess bas that’s not our topic.

Jealousy, they call it a disease but I do not like labeling it as one EXCEPT when it really goes out of hands & results in murder for instance! But most of out there get these annoying heart itching feeling, that consumes us slowly & no matter how much you deny it, you still do feel jealous, aren’t you made of flesh & skin after all. Now, some of us may vary with extents of jealousy but trust me dudes & dudettes, we all experience it, levels depends on how insecure the person is

You see, the reason of me writing this post if the fact that I’ve always known that I have this bad trait, I mean besides being competitive (in a friendly way), I tend to be a bit possessive, well- not a bit actually to be honest with you guys. I am one of those people that get so emotionally attached to people & things.. am not sick bas I cherish stuff. I work hard to build a friendship or purchase something that I really fancy (am a picky person too) so I get all emotional when it comes down to that matters.

My friends are mine, a spot at a restaurant I like hanging out at is mine. I get this feeling that no one should even dare think of coming close to MY people, My stuff! (I should put the sign: Beware of rabid dog on my forehead) to warn people! I mean, I am nice n’ all bas the problem is this attachment issue that takes place. Then pops jealouy, a harmless feeling of “why not me” or ” I sure would like to do the same”  at work it’s the jealousy that takes you higher on the career level bas on a personal level it feels so painful.

I know that God has bestowed many things on me & this feeling of insecurity & lack of confidence should not occur in the first place but am retarded!

It is difficult because I create this strong bond that is difficult to simply neglect or walk away from & I am overly sensitive to the degree that if I get so sad, I am rushed to the hospital for a migraine shot just to take the pain away! (yes am nuts)!

You see, I do not envy, but I will sit down thinking “I want the same” or “boy these people sure are smart, I should’ve done it the same way” – you know, the sorta feelings you randomly get when you do not accomplish as much as required- do not lie about it for it is natural, it is the force that pushes you to do better, to appreciate your self some more..

I do not envy because I do not need more materialistic objects nor the acceptance for a certain group of people (although I wish I could overcome this issue)

Conclusion:

- I feel jealous sometimes , as I mentioned, the harmless type of jealousy since 7amdellah I got it all & more
- I love my group, even though it’s a small one (misery loves company)

Too much obsession might go ugly one day!

I rest my case; now, what do YOU think!! What’s jealousy, have you ever been in deep “sugar” because of your jealousy, perhaps a quarrel with a loved one over an issue. Did you lose friends or people because of your continuous effort to have them under your wing.

Final word of sense:

“A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.”

So obviously I suffer from some personaity deficiency; How would you fix that!

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