And the “saga” continues…
This subject taps bloggers everyday; I mean whenever I check Safat, there has to either be a marriage post or another speaking about men-women relations. It does consume thoughts of many of us, doesn’t it! Living in an Arab society, “breast fed” on obsolete social “faux pas”s that if you dare to tackle, you are automatically shunned by the larger group… isn’t this kinda “dimwity” & stupid for people who brag development & sophistication! Well, to me it does – might as well go live in a far away alienated tribal village in Timbuktu!! I’d prefer the simple life than living a life of disguise..
I was over at Blue’s & a conversation on why women now don’t get married at younger ages or don’t find husbands like before.
Our, My conclusion was this post.
I go out & mashallah, streets are packed with men & women of different age groups; really handsome boys & quite a good number of “naturally” beautiful women… so what the hell is the problem! Why is it harder now for both sexes to find their soul mates! All life necessities are available to everyone, there’s easy access – think of methods that people get to meet & hook up through… I say boys don’t wanna be responsible & mature enough to take a woman & settle down, YES BOYS that seems to be the issue, because there’s nothing stopping you & do not use the excuse of “ain’t no good women out there”!! That’s plain dumb! If you want a good woman, you don’t go out flirting every “cone head” – “cleavage” prancing on the streets. Go do it the right way; check for signs, verify this “approval” & go knock on her parents’ door as they say. Not play around & complain!
In India, women go ask for mens’ hands for marriage, they even pay dowry! Isn’t that the cutest thing ever! Why can’t we relate to that & end this “spinsterhood” issue that statistics show to be increasing – it would also solve divorce cases that we read about in newspapers – I mean would it hurt if a woman chooses her man….
There was this TV show that my mom & I were watching & there were discussing the same matter & they had a girl among the audience to share her point of view on the subject; she said it is ok if the girl goes to the guy & expresses her feelings in a decent way & ask him to marry her! She’s so daring & crazy! I loved her bas she wasn’t an articulate person so she looked like an idiot to millions of people on air!
Do you think it’s wrong for a girl to propose, won’t it cut time for both the guy & the girl & stop this “boy friend – girl friend” nonsense! At least one of the couple would be a responsible – serious element in this relation. Again do not intervene using Islam because in Islam there are many situations in the Quran which the girl expresses her feelings to the parent & that parent would take action… one of which was the two girls at the well & when Sayyedna Moussa (verify if wrong people) offered help – the girl went & informed her old father in a decent way & he asked him to marry his daughter, does that take away her dignity! NO! Also in Islam, if a father thinks a guy is suitable for his daughter he can go & approach this guy to ask… nothing wrong with that!
I mean think of it; Women now “put food on the table” – they are hard working & very independent so what is stopping them from doing that! The shame from society! Why do you care about what people tell you! You will be living your life with this person so you can decide better for yourself & future… is it “far fetched” of an idea! I don’t think so…. I can only understand one thing – the feeling of rejection that kills the female…
This is my solution! Want something – someone, GO GET IT – THEM!
October 7th, 2007 at
:hides:
Ya mama!
October 7th, 2007 at
Women who take the first initiative are the special ones amongst a sea of followers. They’re keepers.
She made the first move on me and I’ve always loved that about her.
October 7th, 2007 at
a girl proposing to a guy is the worst possible thing.. \
believe me.. Arab girls should not do it!
October 7th, 2007 at
- Qwaider, run boy ruuuuuuun!
- Bond :P I love an open minded guy!
- Mony, why! Walla think of it! It won’t effect anything – bel3aks, that shows strength & the couple have to have deep respect to each other to go through this – this is like the ultimate love proof that a male would demonstrate..
October 7th, 2007 at
Islamically, a woman can confess to a guy, preferably through a 3rd party- that’s what I heard. I dunno chika… sometimes a girl sends implications but nothing happens from the guy’s part. It depends on his peronsality i think. Some guys are just not ready, and maybe not ready for that particular girl, but if there’s evidence that he has interest, then she should make a move, why not.
Allah iwafig :)
October 7th, 2007 at
Sushi… yes, it’s the male’s problem then – that’s what I am positive of… now, signs or implications happen – o yes allah yefawweg(2) (my dialect) :P
Bas I sure hell WOULD NOT go propose for a guy! He has to die! I mean kill himself & go nuts running after me – I would “maaaaaaaaaaaybe” consider him as a future husband..
Oh my God, you just inspired a new post! LOVE YOU! :*
October 7th, 2007 at
rebellious girl, why is it the worst thing? can u please elaborate more…a lot of time, energy and emotions are wasted in thinking “is he/she interested” so i say if you are, male or female, if u think u found the one then go for it, if the guy will lose his respect for u after that then u know he’s definitly not the one cuz he might be missing a few good brain cells, so it wasnt a loss at all.
October 7th, 2007 at
what is this music!!
anyways goodd point you raised. i know of a person whom he was offered by the father to marry his daughter. we was freaked out, but that’s not important. it happens where the father would offer a man his duaghter in this culture. but a woman offer her self straightforward, is something new in the classical approach that you meant, or what i thought you meant. however it can be usefull. but then again it can be rejected as you said.
isnt this called love marriage in a partially sentimental way?
ya3ni in some love marriages, the woman oppraoched the man.
you dont have to answer me. you may ask, well what does error want?
well, we seek you expertise in this feild, my questions is where can one find the signs? and how can one go about the right way?
ya3ni where can we find decent woman? in which restaurant to be precise :P
in your opinion, you said there is a right way and there was a wrong way. you explained the wrong way but not the right way. which in my opinion, i think explaining the right way would be more benefecial, for some!
October 7th, 2007 at
Enta 3ala 6ool za3an o teshteki! WHYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! What’s buggin you dude! khaakh!
First’s first – The song’s called ” Je ne veux pas travailler” by Pink Martini… c’est en Francais mon ami… check lyrics eb google o translate :P
As for the post, here goes nothing:
Well, I personally didn’t come across a father that would offer his daughters for marriage – in the good sense of course – bas as I said, it’s not 3eib in Islam since it goes according to what the norm, el mowa9afat elly yetem feeha ekhtyar el shareek… like religion, manners, financial status – it applies to both no… & as far as I know, Islam is not a biased religion where women are kept in a corner.. we have rights like men the only thing that distinguishes us from you is the monthly period & matters related to judicial issues (naqe9at 3aql qa deen)..
It’s not a new approach or anything, this is what I call modification to what we already have & can use to solve issues like, girls passing age 30 o rotting up like bananas or young ones taking marriage for granted from what they see & hear about bad marriages gone bad so in a sense, yes it is like an arranged marriage if the parents are involved bas if this is done through a couple – love first then it is anything BUT ARRANGED! Bas yes, I think it would be ver sentimental..
Ana expert! Thanks! *makes a “koko” hand gesture to Error* – I cannot tell you where to find the right girls wala eb ay ma63am, you’re supposed to be “the man” – the hunter :P bas good luck finding the one dude! One day I will seek your expertise on where to find good marriage material men ! LOL! 7amdella wel shokr!
As for the signs, I cannot explain this to you, bas we females have a weird way of showing interest & would sometimes be humiliated & so desperate for the guy to notice, it may be the attention she gives you – phrases she uses or this look in her eye when she sees you… ba3dein believe me buddy, you could tell if a girl likes you bas el mohem that she likes you for YOU – your soul & mind not anything else o enta el afham! :)
What do you want me to explain more to make it more clear! Am not setting ways – am just thinking of a solution – an alternation to what can be done to remove boundaries – while staying in limits of religion & “some” rules of our society..
Beneficial tips you want:
I dunno about you, bas if you have female friends or colleagues at work & there’s this one girl that’s always there stalking you give her a chance – she might be “THE ONE” :P!
OR if you have a girl in mind – “check the pulse” – LOL! say something smart, see her reaction – no need for you go into a relationship o ba6eekh.. JUST DO IT = NIKE said it first!
P.S: invite me to the wedding!
October 7th, 2007 at
me will get married in an year…inshalla :D
October 7th, 2007 at
Well this is interesting you see most people who get married around the age of 18-22 get divorced. Why because they got married for the sex, or where not up for the responsibilities of marriage. One of my friends recently got married and before he did we had a talk about it one of his main concerns was I want someone that can raise my kids, and someone friendly because him and his family are tight. Shit I looked around trying to find someone who I think might be good for him, anyways long story short he got married and we found out a week before we went to his wedding. There where signs though he started growing his hair since he always shaves it.
Anyhow This other friend of mine wants to marry his girlfriend they are practically married anyways since we don’t see his ass. However he is delaying the matter till he can financially be able to get married. Its not something you just wake up and say today I’m getting married. Its something you plan you should be ready mentally physically financially. Because even though woman right now can be dependable caring and help out. A man is a giver and caretaker he has to make sure everything is intact before he makes the plunge and start turning a house into a happy home.
Oh and about if a girl should approach a guy or not do it. But at least get to know each other for 3 months before you pop the question or he might freak out. And if he says he will marry you might as well start having sex now. He wont that’s the oldest trick in the book dont fall for it. If he is sincere about marrying you he will wait.
October 7th, 2007 at
I think it would be very cool, but she should tell the guy directly, and they should be alone.
Otherwise, in our society the girl would be looked at as desperate which isn’t true, but that’s the way it is.
October 7th, 2007 at
[...] Blah, They said what? I was reading ChiKapaPPi’s article about Arab girls and them proposing to a guy, since the guy is too chicken to do it. I found [...]
October 7th, 2007 at
great post :) I enjoyed reading it with a big smile on my face :D you know what my answer is right…No women No pain…
October 7th, 2007 at
Whats the point of marriage? I say live single and enjoy it till the last drop
October 7th, 2007 at
First you need to switch of the fetish or atleast place it high , you dont want me to get caught at work do you ?
Correction about Indian systerm , its the boy who goes to see the girl and then ‘if agreed’ the dowry is exchanged .But it is against the law , people go to jail these days because of demanding dowry ..
I dont want to comment on the blog , CZ you know how i met my wife … What gives me the feeling next year by this time you will be married ? wanna bet ?
October 7th, 2007 at
yaaa chikaa…
first of all it is NEVER prevented in Islam to propose to a guy!!
Does any one remember how our Great Prophet Muhammad -Peace and Blessings be upon him- married his great wife settna Khadeeja? She did the first move!! Add to that the fact of being 15 years older than him!! So Islamically, 3aadi jeddan!!!
But!!!…
In our retarded communities, its total nonesense!! Beleive me!! I’ve witnessed the suffering of a verry strong girl, educated, beautiful, decent, of a well know family, who had a great noble attitude towards a guy and she was rejected… She is suffering the consiquences untill this day!! She can’t overcome this feeling, especially that it was her second experience!! y3ni after the first time she said it is not because she did the move, its just the guy’s point of view!! But after the second time, she can’t take the courage and get married to any guy… Although many proposed to her!! She got very sensitive and she can’t get red of the feeling of rejection…
She told me many many times: don’t you ever be the beginner!! And i really agree!!
October 7th, 2007 at
OMG!!! My first comment and it is without any smile!! :-D
Ma a2al zoo2i ;-)
o hai smilat malyan:
:-) :-D :-) :-D :-) :-D ;-) :-) :-D ;-)
October 7th, 2007 at
I hate waiting around for something to happen, I like to take initiative, but in somethings more than other. I think that there is nothing wrong with a girl telling a guy what she wants. as long as she knows that there is a mutual interest.
I was never one to sit around and wait for someone to open up to me, I had to get what I wanted, I had to know where everything stood.
October 7th, 2007 at
Another example, Is one of the best women in Islam; Al-sayida khadeja(3laiha alsalam) When she saw how good the prophet was she proposed to him and they were happily married. I also have a friend of mine, whom his father in law asked him if he would marry his daughter. They are happily married now and have a wonderful lovely daughter. So Yes it is a very good idea and should work. Not all the time perhaps.
October 7th, 2007 at
There’s nothing wrong with it. I say go get your guy! If it were me who found Mr. Right and made sure of it, I’d make the move (decently).
October 7th, 2007 at
Well typed. Well thought.
Bottom line, who ever doesn’t, is not a risk taker, they prefer the safe zone…. so you call them the “non-risk taker” A.K.A the “chickens”
Some might say it’s smart only to defend them
Which will make them “smart chickens” does that make any sense?
Yeah it does; p
October 7th, 2007 at
only problem here is the girl won’t get to know him very well unless they plan to be engaged for sometime then that’s a different issue. But I still believe in the guy making the 1st move it just feels right.
Quote:
“Marriage is a vital part of a Muslim’s life. In fact marriage is so important in the religion of Islam that it is declared to be one half of one’s faith.”
October 7th, 2007 at
i would like to say shutup to someone of the people who commented .. bas baskit.
sa7 wallah its them. they suddenly lack this manly move EFFT
y3nee wallah shay sakheef. ina il girls gamaw uhma ele isawoon the move and the guys just sit and wait. WTH?
that is so gay!!
I REFUSE to do anything.
October 7th, 2007 at
“All life necessities are available to everyone”
Not entirely true. Even if they have the financial capability, many lack the knowledge (or are simply unqualified) to raise a family.
“ain’t no good men/women out there”
Even if they’re good to one-another, some families simply refuse their children to be wed. “She needs to finish her studies”, “his job isn’t good for my daughter”, or the famous, “their family is not right for you (us)” and people fear rejection.
“Isn’t that the cutest thing ever!”
No @_@ *hides*
October 7th, 2007 at
I like what Hasan said – Khadija was a pistol. She had reason to be. She was a businesswoman, independantly wealthy, and she knew the benefits of marriage from having been married. She had a lot ot offer. She was coming from a position of strength.
BUT – there are a lot of men who would prefer to be in control of the relationship issue. It’s like a testosterone thing. There is something in the thrill of the chase . . .I don’t think this is a Muslim thing, or a Arab thing, I think this is a male thing.
October 7th, 2007 at
PS. *dying laughing @ je ne veux pas travailler! Je ne veux pas dejeuner! Je veux seulement oublier . . .. .”*
October 7th, 2007 at
Nicely said :) I think it’s a good idea but depends on the people involved
October 7th, 2007 at
Hmm, it depends really on the personality of the girl.. I don’t have the courage but I admire a woman can has the courage and confidence to do that.
And Intlxpatr , I agree, it’s a male thing not religion or society really.. but REALLY, why are men such control freaks!!!
October 8th, 2007 at
i second purgatory although girls are all crazy bout me…:P
October 8th, 2007 at
First I’d like to say that both “TAT” & “3baid” are hitting the right cords with their comments.
First I don’t know how this approach is supposed to solve spinsterhood !! So what if the girl is taking the initiative? Does it really solve the tendency of guys not to get married?
I don’t think so, guys are mostly smart enough to recognize a girl’s interest and when he doesn’t act upon it, then it’s his well thought choice to neglect it for whatever reason he has in mind for not jumping aboard.
The comments were greatly impressive, don’t overlook Intlxpat comment, “testosterone issue” Yes it deals a lot with the chasing thing, guys tend to enjoy the process itself, it’s half the joy to them and a way to get to know better the future to bride to be.
“3baid: has raised very pertinent point of view about the capabilities of guys nowadays, getting married isn’t as easy as it used to be or as it seems. Though as married men will say “get a wife and God shall guide all the financial means towards you”. I’ve seen it and still don’t believe it as whatever facilities someone may get, they have been there since the beginning and now have been liquidated, activated and used.
If a guy isn’t ready, then It doesn’t make a difference at all if he or the girl issue the call, he ISN”T ready yet.
When a guy’s proposal turned down, it is fine with him though it’s hard to swallow sometimes if the reason isn’t sensible, but eventually he was mentally prepared for such outcome. Now if the girl takes the first step, how would she feel if her initiation got turned down? Believe me it shall suck, and the guy shall be forced to elude her in every possible way because he is too embarrassed and doesn’t wanna cause any more hurt to her (assuming the guy is a mature one). A guy can’t deal with such issue, how can a girl deal with it?
Either ways, it shall not effect the marriage percentage, or the success factor for such marriage.
I’m not saying that it’s wrong, just not a solution.
October 8th, 2007 at
- Cyberowdy: Enshallah ! May God be with you! RIP :P
- TAT, very interesting friends you have & yes marriage is not something you should, that’s why I question why those ready don’t step up & do it – elzawaj ne9f el deen… & yes the man is a giver & no one says the opposite bas a woman can help around – that’s what a sound marriage institutes.. understanding & respect…
Of course there has to be a period of knowing each other before “popping” the question! It’s be freaky for sure!
- Hani Obaid : Yes, thank you for understanding bas I would also encourage the girl to be opened to he parents, mother at least before she does it.
- AMU, seems like you have a woman & you will be crying soon :p
- Purg, Explain “enjoying” to the last drop pls! Very interesting – does that include women! Because if so, then no good buddy! You should date :)
- GREY! LOL! Ok bet’s on! Next baby girl, my real name!! OK!!
- Naryat: Thanks for the example girl – Yes I know, that’s why I said it kills the girl bas women need to suck it up a bit! 3ady! O not just any guy- tell your friend never t o lose hope & faith – her na9eeb is out there just needs time :)
LOTS OF SMILIES! Keep it up!
- Chirp: You are the real deal ! I love your attitude, invite me to your wedding :P
- Hasan : Thanks for the example too, I was kinda stuck :)
- Amethyst: Will you do it :) !
- Bello: LOL!!!! Pukaaaak!
- Pearletooo: Yes, I said that in a previous comment – as long as it’s done decently & with right choices..
- Fayoorti: Well, girl – you better do something before your one goes away :P – I know who that is! LOL!
- 3baid: Yes, some people are ignorant & do not use their resources well, bas believe me, if it’s your time, everything will be easy – allah makes things work… As for the crap imposed to us by society, I personally think that the couple involved should take their own decisions! Even if one of them is young & still lives under his – her family’s “umbrella” @@ – come out come out where ever you areeeeee ! niahaha!
- Intlxpatr: Yeah, male dominance! But men use the wrong definition of the word & this has to change! WAKE UP BOYS! I love how you’re into everything – mashallah :) – song describes me! LOL!
- Deemco: Yeah – both have to be mature & wise enough for such a move
- Shayouma: Some men are nice & flexible – it’s us women that make them go crazy like that! We have to show them the “red eye” ! :P
- Maze: tsk tsk tsk! You will both end up lobely & alone – no kids, no wife to take care of you & no one to love you for YOU…
October 8th, 2007 at
Touche: No, nothing solves spinsterhood THAT easily bas it would sure HELP in twisting things for a change! DO you know how many girls linger out there waiting for that special guy to notice them & initiate some sorta thing that will eventually end up in tying knots! Well, there are many, so instead of waiting, why not act upon what you feel & AGAIN in a decent way & preferably with the knowledge of one of the parents.
Well yes “some” guys are smart while others do this intentionally & the rest are socially retarded – am sure that people – guys – fall into categories so this post wasn’t meant for all guys & no jumping aboard may include hidden intentions – bad ones of course, so I don’t encourage that – again check my reply to comments..
“Hunter” theory is valid I know, but can you really measure how good a girl is from this cat & mouse game! Naaaah, so I would like men to take a break & see things from a different point of view – a man is a man when he takes care of responsibilities & acts decent – not that..
3baid is right bas check my reply & also, I would like you to explain this “the guy is not ready” thing pls… when is a guy ready! By the time he’s 50! I have a personal opinion on this bas would not share – examples from real life..
Boy or girl, rejection has its toll on both bas why do you think it’s harder on boys than girls! Some girls are mature enough to handle it as well as guys even worse, some guys meet rejection with offense & obscene actions – real life examples available too ..
It’s not The solution, it’s just a way to get things moving :) who knows…
October 9th, 2007 at
I visited this again, and I for one see nothing wrong in this.
But the way I see it, proposal is a male only act. Women shouldn’t propose.
But what a woman can do is to let him know that if he proposed, she would accept his proposal.
This way she keeps her pride and won’t suffer rejection AND will get the message across that she’s interested
October 9th, 2007 at
Qwaider,
khallene a9alle elleil o barod 3aleik– don’t go hide boy :POk, you have a good point too – bas to me, it works both ways & if a man is “cool” – 3ady & if the girl is crazy – 3ady :)
October 20th, 2007 at
The hunting theory isn’t efficient it just feeds a man’s satisfaction and a man may get the impression that a better elementary understanding is established (this is highly doubtful but still it’s a man’s mentality).
Frankly, the majority might be ready and there are some minority that don’t qualify yet. I’ve heard that exclamation “when is a guy ready! By the time he’s 50!” and I had to smile when I read it :) Yes many nowadays are afraid of commitment and it’s not because they are lacking in their sense of responsibility. They just don’t know what they need or how badly they need it. Hell, some guys even are afraid to marry an intelligent woman because she might limit some imaginary muscularity.
No one can deny the strength of a mature lady who knows what she wants and knows how to act maturely upon it and how emotionally stable she can be, it’s just no matter how tough a girl might be, she is still a female with emotional tendencies. No matter how strong she might be, a rejection may not go swiftly on her soul as imaginable, I just hate to see that happening. Indeed some guys are extreme jerks that don’t know how to deal with a simple no and act childishly, and those aren’t considered men to maintain a family. If he can’t deal with a rejection then he hasn’t lived yet and basically knows nothing about life.