Call me insensitive but I had to write this.
I seriously am a believer; Death is our destiny or should I say our inevitable fate.. We will all go through this one day whether we like it or not, doesn’t differ if you have faith or not
I am not scared of it.. scared of the process only; How could anyone of us imagine what’s its like for the spirit to slowly leave this body?! Does it hurt? Besides seeing your whole life timeline flash before your eyes, is one aware of what’s happening??! Hmm.. I ask because I heard she went into complications, while we were sleeping in our comfy beds.. I regret not visiting her last week I didn’t get to say goodbye, although last time I saw her she said “Enti Bana 7abebti” *sigh*
I don’t know what’s worse! Waking up to a mom shouting “Mom is dead!” or rushing out of bed to check on my dad who was crying! I never saw him cry!! A man is only a man when he is able to show his true emotions yet again, he lost both his parents now..
What’s worse?? Rushing to get with the family or trying to apologize to people for not showing up!?
What’s worse?? Not being able to say a single word or sitting down with people who gossip!!! OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!! How could people talk?? I felt weird!! I am in physical pain but that was overwhelmed with the numbness I felt. I asked for pills, Specifically Valium. That made me feel good.. knocked me off for a few hours, I woke up to know that she was buried.. her final rest in peace is this small hole in the ground, nothing fancy as she used to have. *sigh*
I dunno.. I hate crying, seriously! It’s so weak for people to cry.. I am a vulnerable person, I tried to avoid people because I knew I would not look good if I burst into tears. No drama needed at such critical conditions.
I dunno what’s worse! Walking into her empty room, expecting to see her in bed with the cat sitting there or remembering how she always used to tell me: “Yalla Bana, when are you going to get married, I want to see you in your wedding dress”?! Nana!!! I am sorry to disappoint you, am a failure in that! No man wants me!!! **** that!
Everyone took a souvenir from her room, I chose to write about her.. this will stay for many years..
I still cannot believe that she’s gone, that I had to do the banners for the address instructions! Cut & staple to have guys in my family go pin them up some where for people to come pay their respects & condolences.
I knew that many people went to her burial ceremony, my dad had to put her in the ground.. I wonder when I die, will anyone pray over me?? Will I get what she had?! *sigh* I felt so helpless because we females cannot go to the burial ground / graves.. not now at least.
I want to celebrate her life, My aunt whispered in my ear today: “Bana, you were her favorite grandchild, she loved you the most”.
Nana, I remember our walks, I remember you cutting my hair saying I had beautiful blonde hair, I remember your sandwich & how you taught me how to dip it in tea :) I remember the things you bought me, I remember your food! I remember how you used to tell me that I put on weight! LOL Nana, I can’t help it! It runs in the family!! I remember everything.
Nana, I know that you can hear our prayers, you can feel what we feel. Nana, one day we will reunite but you would not recognize me. This is how Allah wants things to be, no dispute on that. Just know that I love you.. I already miss you!! *cries*
I will sleep in your bed today enshalla, when we go for the mourning, I promise, I won’t let anyone mess your room ! yes Nana, you were OCD, just like me :)
See Nana, you’re room is neat & clean!
In loving memory Amena – November 11th 2007.
P.S: I seriously thank all of you who smsd, emailed, sent facebook messages or called me.. I am sorry if I didn’t reply, I just find it hard to speak right now..The mourning (3aza) is still on.. we still have 2 days *sigh*
P.S.S: Sorry Swair… I am glad you girls had fun.
November 11th, 2007 at
Our Heart felt condolences to you and your family . She will be remembered always in your hearts.
November 11th, 2007 at
Thanks Rayboy..
November 11th, 2007 at
May she rest in peace.
November 11th, 2007 at
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Remember all the great things you have done with her. And always remember there are things you can do that get to her. Remember our prophet said that if a person dies all his work in life is severed. With the exception of three things. One of which is a good son to pray for him
Pray for her. She will get your prayers, she will be happy with your prayers, and she will be appreciative of your prayers.
Always remember, she’s in a better place, with a better crowd.
Again, our heart and prayers go out to you and to your family, and .. May god accept her in paradise…
November 11th, 2007 at
3a’6um allah ajirkom.
November 11th, 2007 at
Reading your post made me cry.. :(
November 11th, 2007 at
Allah yr7amha yiqamid roo7ha iljana inshala.
In situations like this its usually hard for many ppl to pause and remember the person during their life and the good times they shared. They usually mourn the loss. I think its so brave of u to “celebrate her life”.
3atham Allah ajirkom.
November 11th, 2007 at
Mathwaha iljana nshala. Alah e9aberkom o 3atham alah ajerkom
November 11th, 2007 at
3 of my grandparents are dead, I dread when the 4th one will go because that’s a whole generation wiped out, and because it means my parents are that much closer to death.
My condolences Chika.
Nothing insensitive about this post. Keeping her room clean is very touching.
November 11th, 2007 at
Inna lillaahi wa inna illaayhi raaji’oon. Have Sabr, and true Sabr is at the initial shock; and ask Allaah ‘Aza wa Jal to reward you for your patience. Also, you should remove her picture from public viewing. It may be that since she was not covered, and since people from all over the world have a chance to look at her in her incovered state, that the more they look at her, the more sins she may recieve.
November 11th, 2007 at
My condolences to you and your family. Allah yer7ama.
November 11th, 2007 at
2allah yer7am7a o e’3amid roo7ha el jana. Wallah from what you wrote Chika, she sounds like a woman this world needs.
My deepest condolences to you and all your family.
November 11th, 2007 at
:: Weygolon ana at7al6am wayed !!
November 11th, 2007 at
Waayy 7beebti, i want to hug u again…
We were thinking of you the whole time..
And now i feel like crying at work hehe
I love you :**
November 11th, 2007 at
allah yer7amha enshalla…
November 11th, 2007 at
3atham allah ajerkom
November 11th, 2007 at
sorry to hear about your loss, my deepest condolences to you and your family
may god rest her soul
November 11th, 2007 at
3atham allah ajrech chika… allah yer7amha inshala.
November 11th, 2007 at
Allah yer7amha w ye’3amid rou7ha iljana. 3a’6am Allah ajrich.
November 11th, 2007 at
3atham Allah ajrech :/ Allah eghamed ro7ha el jana.
November 11th, 2007 at
Atham’allah Ajirkoum…Just remember,
“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.”
November 11th, 2007 at
3atham allah ajrich hun, im sorry for your loss
November 11th, 2007 at
Why should this be insensitive?
Not at all, but then again, I don’t know the exact customs either.
I didn’t know you can’t go to the burial. Sad. Even though I never liked it.
I am glad you can write about it. It will always be a bittersweet memory for you.
Not being able to say Good-bye hurts the most, I know.
But I believe they know that we think about them and they understand.
The most important things is probably to keep a good memory of her and make peace with yourself!
November 11th, 2007 at
? Allah yer7amha, don’t worry a lot will be praying.
Death is a mystery…
November 11th, 2007 at
Im sorry for your loss sweety .. shes in a better place now!! Allah yer7amha :*
November 11th, 2007 at
Tears in my eyes ! …. I’m so sorry for your loss chika ! …
November 11th, 2007 at
3atham allah ajerkom
November 11th, 2007 at
Sorry for your loss.. But she’s in a better place now..
November 11th, 2007 at
may she rest in peace
November 11th, 2007 at
Beautiful post, Chikapappi, and I am so sorry for your loss. Your grandmother was beautiful, and thank you for sharing a small part of her with us.
November 11th, 2007 at
3atham allah ajerkum ;(
November 11th, 2007 at
3atham allah ajerkom!
My deepest condolences to you and to your family…
November 11th, 2007 at
3atham Allah ajerkom :(
November 11th, 2007 at
I’m so sorry for your loss. Allah yir7amha ya rab withabitkom wi9abirkom. Hang in there 7abibti :**
November 11th, 2007 at
Sorry to hear that.
November 11th, 2007 at
November 11th, 2007 at
There was nothing insensitive in that. I don’t cry at funerals, not even a teardrop(people even stare at me for that). As humans we are deemed to die; will crying bring them back? definitively not.
November 11th, 2007 at
i feel i can relate to u cuz this is exactly how i felt when i lost my grandma..its very difficult i kno…sumtimes ull wanna scream and shout and u kno it helps..but at the end of the day pray for her and kno that she is in a better place.
Allah yer7ama o 3atham allah ajrek 7abibti ..my deepest condolences to u and ur whole family and inshallah ull get through this together..
:*
November 11th, 2007 at
3atham allah ajrech
November 11th, 2007 at
Chika, my thoughts are with you. I’m really sorry that your Grandmother has passed away. It is one of the hardest things to deal with as you are sad and upset that she is gone but also you have to see your parents sad and upset.
All I can say is remember good times with her and the spark that made her a special woman and keep her in your mind and heart.
I’m sure she would be very proud of the positive, vibrant and fun woman that you are!
My thoughts are with you and your family
Take Care
Pinky x
November 11th, 2007 at
If it were a job.. and they told you a month prior that on that date your going to be fired… then on that day a colleague comes over and tells you “hey did you hear? ur getting fired today!” .. you would say 3adi i knew men zman and im ready… mo methel if you knew on the same day and was surprised and shocked…
So hatha qadar.. maktob men gabel la Nana was born.. maktobli ana ba3ad mn gabil la i was born… maktob lina kilna… It would have been easier if you knew earlier that this will be the day, so you would be ready.. bas hatha amr Allah.. Shes in a better place, isnt being with Allah better than this world? Im proud of you Chika, how you acted with you family :) Allah yer7amha o yqamid ro7ha el janna..
November 11th, 2007 at
That is so sad.. but it’s good to let it out. Sometimes people tell you to stop crying or don’t feel too bad for too long, that it’s 7aram. I hate that. I still remember my grandma and grandpa who died like 10 years ago and cry. there’s nothing wrong with that. It makes you human..
Habibti, allah yir7amha inshalla and Alla yisabbirkom
November 11th, 2007 at
chika im so sorry 7beebty ;* She is in a better place now and you are not being insensitive and you shouldnt feel guilty for not visiting her the last time.
November 11th, 2007 at
3a’9am allah ajrech *huggg*
a5er el a7zan enshalla :*
November 11th, 2007 at
3atham allah ajrich
November 11th, 2007 at
3atham alaah ajrich dear o yarab alaha ygferlahaa
November 11th, 2007 at
3a’6am allah ajrech 7abebti *hug* allah yer7amha oo y’3amed roo7ha el janna inshallah ..
November 11th, 2007 at
3a’6am allah ajrej :***
November 12th, 2007 at
3a’6am allah ajrich!! :**
November 12th, 2007 at
*Group hug* !! Ajerna o ajerkom enshallah.. thanks all for sharing your thoughts, I love every single one of you..
November 12th, 2007 at
so touching indeed …… u reminded me when my only uncle died ……. not so long a go in july,i woke up my sis telling me “uncle died”
and i go “what? WHAT?HOW WHEN UR LYING? denial indeed to the point i started laughing i couldnt believe it and all of my family was over-reacting until the shocking moment when i went 2 the hospital and i saw his body… no joking in their i guess i never seen my dad cry that softly over his brother,never seen him cry express emotions either,i still remember my uncle’s laid back attitude never gives a rat’s ass about anything (also his health) i still remember his 5 kd he gave me when i graduated from high school, it meant alot 2 me
i always remember him every once and a while,its ok to grief i guess
for a moment at least :P
elmohem ra7mta allah tenzel 3alina jame3an wether we r alive or dead
take care ok
November 12th, 2007 at
3atham allah ajrech .. sorry i didnt sms, comment or anything
I had work overload oo madre shsayer bidinya around me,
*Hugs*
November 12th, 2007 at
3a`9am allah ajerkom !!
November 12th, 2007 at
may her soul rest in peace
November 12th, 2007 at
3atham allah arech .. sorry am late !
November 12th, 2007 at
3adam allah ajrakum. Allah yer7amha w ye’3ferlaha inshalla.
My prayers to you and your family.
November 12th, 2007 at
3a’6am Allah ajrich 7yaty *hug*
November 15th, 2007 at
It’s never late to say it; 3atham allah ajirkum.
May her soul rest in piece inshallah.