Chikapappi

And it’s not even just the mild one but honestly speaking, I find it very difficult welding within this society. No, I am not a weak pessimistic person that just rolls under a rock to hide nor am I lacking enough confidence to confront and stand up for my rights and speak when needed, it’s just that I am intimidated by certain responses and reactions from those around me. “Over sensitive” as they tell me and well guys, it is working fine for me! I don’t necessarily have to change so I would be in compliance with your likings or mood. This is what pisses me off the most, people misinterpreting being nice in a way to being “dumb” enough to just go along. I can’t!!

So what if I am “extra” friendly and I like getting to know people and not judge without giving these people the chance to literally reveal their personalities before I start acting like the jerk I am to some of you out there! It is my right in life to go through my experiences in spite the fact that I am putting my emotions on the line each and every time and daaaaaamn it hurts! IT HURTS! Yet, I learn!

One of the things that I hear more or less often is “Hejabi girl and you do the things you do!” sometimes the tone is very supportive and I appreciate it while others tend to belittle those activities that bring sheer pleasure to my already dull life, so how could you just come and judge me! Who said covering my hair would stop me from being free spirited, outgoing and energetic! Or is it only in our Arab societies dare I say Muslim ones; we have to comply to old folks tales and traditions and just stay home! Who does that now anyways!? I never asked to be fully equal with men in responsibilities and life styles and I am very content with what women achieved over the last years, we are much stronger, voicing out our opinions, contributing to our households and some are very successful. Unfortunately, views on such women are severely distorted and it makes me sick.. No further elaboration here, this is left to you to interpret, I will not attempt to impose my personal ideas on you.

Leave the stupid “outer look” – superficial  issue aside here and let’s go deeper:

- Social relations: No matter what you consider yourself are –gender wise– I totally respect and understand it as long as it doesn’t affect me personally. You see, Freedom doesn’t necessarily stand for ditching religious duties and beliefs. I also include to that my own principles that suit me quite well! Does not I hate / dislike certain groups of people but I can’t find myself going along.. Arab societies again, people here are so judgmental and I am going through rough times myself shoving off this certain “indictment” as I call it. It is funny to me though because you don’t know half of what’s inside of me and I really don’t feel like someone is THAT close to touching my soul, well a couple of you out there.

- Back to the Male- Female equality issue: If women can participate in almost every criteria of this community, why is considered rude or improper for a lady to freely express how she feels??

- Lack of real respect amongst humans: I swear to god, some guys and girls out there make you an asshole! It’s like they enjoy being abused or something!! They push you to the limit that you just have to get out of your norm and say something you know you shouldn’t so they’d blame you at the end. Well, from now on I will simply discard from the beginning to shun further complications in the future.. Problem is, half of them don’t really give a shit about you! So yeah..I will do the same!

- Rumors & gossip: This is not restricted to us Arabs bas I think that we have nothing better to do in our lives but bitch and complain. I do that a lot! But people, when it comes to reputations, we have to take a step backwards and think. Is that so hard to do!! I find myself weak here because unfortunately, I am still an Arab and I have a family to give back to as they took care of me throughout those years.

- Freedom: I can’t understand it here – would you explain to me to what extent can someone be free in this country? What is acceptable and what is not? How opened is this society to recent phenomena and external influence? And if you as a person don’t like what you’re seeing, are you willing to let others live their lives as they wish??

I am disappointed, but no I will not be hanging myself from one of the spotlights in my room!

“Do not judge, and you will never be mistaken.”
Rousseau {1712-1778) Swiss political philosopher

I AM OUT!

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