Are females of Arabia a burden on their families?!
This is long and blue..
It is so sad to hear of people losing loved ones and at our company, for the second week in a row now a colleague of ours lost a family member :( Yes I don’t really know them but it’s legitimate to reach out for another person no matter who that person is. Besides death now a days, we keep hearing now of people getting laid off their jobs around the world and in Kuwait it’s no different; Companies are suffering big time after the falling apart economy & bad conditions so all in all, we now have more things to worry about other than dying in some freak accident! It’s funny how life takes us away from all of important things that we need to focus on - not religion only - and here I mean security in different forms should it be some sort of financial saving or property, a family and people to depend on when needed, a job you’re settled in or some sort of business.
As a kid I never thought of the future, we are not supposed to anyways so like many and up till this moment I still feel lost in the sense that I do not know where this rapid paced life is taking me and I honestly have no long term plans or goals ahead. I actually discovered that I am much happier when I do not plan for things but happiness never lingers long I am afraid..
As the eldest in this household it is difficult for me to comprehend the “later” - ba3d 3omr 6aweel enshallah - if my father departs this life- and of all the responsibilities I’d carry on my shoulders and whether I can fulfill my part as a supporter to / of the family or not. Yes I do have a brother but I do not want to discuss him on the blog because it will hurt him, mom and those who know what’s going on in the house but all I can say is if he doesn’t act up and get a job, I will go insane and probably die young! I also have 2 sisters, one of which is a hard worker who also knows how to spoil herself, leading a normal life (balanced) as for the second one .. ahhh ya enti! One advice to you: toughen up and just go through one year of working and you’ll get around. We all started with jobs that we didn’t like nor had we any experience but we managed to learn and we’ll never stop..
So hypothetically speaking, if I was a boy would that have resulted in better actions / deeds put into assisting my father? Or am I as a female supposed to just live my life and wait for someone to come pick me up from my parent’s house and by that I become a burden on another person!? Yes I say a burden because in the Arab world and no matter how independent and successful we ladies grow, we still live under the family’s wings and tradition states that we leave our direct family to start building our own. I have so much respect for men out there - the decent ones that is who are “meat providers” and that take responsibility to the maximum sometimes putting their families ahead even if those are rare most of the time! I also feel sorry because men have to take this role and I honestly think that it’s the main reason men postpone marriage till they are fully ready and capable of opening and financing a household but isn’t that life’s natural cycle?! We seldom hear of women wearing the pants here and I would not want to be one, to help in the house is something but to spend on my man because he doesn’t want to work hard is totally different! I would instantly lose respect and be dominant in the relationship. This is confusing honestly! I usually preach other girls on being strong and discovering their identities to proceed in life then go contradict myself when I myself is totally clueless about my own!
Hypothetically speaking again, if my dad retires soon and discarding the fact that he has indemnities or savings; What is expected from me as his first child? Yes akeed I will take care of my parents and return all what they invested in me but it scares me thinking of the whole situation.. I want them happy and comfortable.. I want them proud of all of us .. I never want them needing anything but if some things are not fixed now, I will be devastated and knowing me well, I would break down at the first rough encounter life faces me with.
Forget about that, I often wonder also of us - the daughters here - marriage and you know how parents obsess about this idea. Having 3 girls of his own, my poor father must be worried as hell about our future so again, are we a burden on him?! I wonder if he thinks of that every night before he sleeps? Or when he prays? Are our expenses badly effecting him although he doesn’t complain (yes we do splurge here) ? How does it feel to be a parent? responsible for a family? working your entire life just to provide everything those kids desire? It’s totally overwhelming just thinking of it!
I now think that having baby girls is stressful! ma9areef and fear.. marriage.. society and reputation.. :/ I am suddenly not liking this at all! I need to think of a safety backup plan in case something goes wrong instead of waiting for the bad news to hit me. I also now despise the way we were brought up pampered just because we are women with the entire notion of waiting for the men in our lives to be there for us… Would I have turned out different if I was born into a foreign family? Out of the house by 18 and off to work straight forward and not being under the mercy of social taboos & limitations. Yes Islam respects us and I am aware that Rezq is from Allah but I am a skeptical human being that seeks straight forward clear answers which is impossible constantly but do you ladies get what I am talking about here? whether married or still single, don’t you feel guilty sometimes watching your men strive daily to make available a decent life style just to maintain your dignity and image for this judgmental materialistic society?
Life is one tough cookie to crack!
January 15th, 2009 at
The way I see it, its the structure of life that makes it harder for women to live a normal life.
Women in Arab countries do not really have much option, either live their lives freely and pay the consequence of most likely not getting married or stick with the traditions and get married.
Many people are against the idea of a working woman that shares the same rights and an equivalent role of the male in the economy, they find it a Zionist agenda implanted in their children’s minds through the western media, and it is anti- cultural, traditional and most importantly religious.
However, when a Muslim family moves to developed country, they don’t have any problems if the woman want’s to work or not, so it is the way of life in Arab countries that sets the rules of how a woman should live.
For me, I am against the idea of marriage, I don’t believe in ever lasting love and the idea of sharing lives, if I live with my girlfriend for 10+ years and I decided to do something romantic for our tenth anniversary I might propose to her.
But the idea of my parents taking me with them to their friends house to meet their daughter that I have to decide if I want to live the rest of my life with her or not over a cup of tea is simply not sensible.
Plus there is more in life to enjoy than being dumped on a partner at an early age with all the responsibilities a man can think of.
January 15th, 2009 at
Awww Chika dear…don’t get worried like this… yes, i thoroughly understand what u r gng thru as i do feel the same at times. Worrying makes us even more worse. So, just accept life as it is (easy to say, i know)and enjoy the maximum.
January 15th, 2009 at
Maskeen the man, he finishes work and rests the entire day, women however, they take it all and we still say women are burden to the arabic family? I wish god gives me many girls to bring into this world as they are truly a bliss.
January 15th, 2009 at
Your posts are long and without much pictures, hard to follow !!22@@@@!!!
January 15th, 2009 at
I totally disagree, females are important as the males. God created the two of us with different characters and role but we complete and need each other.
Only pre-Islam and narrowness minded see females as burden.
January 15th, 2009 at
First of all, those girls who live single, I had many of them, they are alone in apartment, no one around, just themselves, fear that the next day they won’t make it home (because of crime rate), always carry a paperspray in bag, not to mention the loneliest feeling ever, no one around to talk with, that she would jump at any guy open his arm, staying single for while never get proposed, grow older as she lose one of her standers slowly to get a man.
females are never independent, males are never independent, cause each is an empty half require the other to feel a whole.
as for females, yes they are burden, but a burden we love and care, and if we had chance to hold them once again, hold their burden one more time, we wouldn’t hesitate because we love them that much.
January 15th, 2009 at
yes actually , i feel guilty ,,
وعلى فكرة في وايد بنات يفكرون بنفس الطريقة
وعندهم مشاعر نفس اللي تكلمتي عنها
وانا منهم
هل كوني إمرأة معناتها إن لازم ابوي او زوجي أهو اللي يصرف علي
ويتحمل أعبائي ( المالية على أقل تقدير ) ؟؟؟
واااي مو حلو هالشعوووووور كلش
i totally agree with youuuuuuu
January 15th, 2009 at
I’m a girl brought up here in one of the GCC countries myself, so I know where you’re coming from. I understand how scary it must be. Myself, I graduated a little over a year ago and have been working since then. In my family we’re all sisters, and given that the only male in my family - my dad, has serious problems… well, there are problems. While I do agree that females over here are socialized a little too much to think that they can only take, and hardly give, I think you’re perceiving things a little differently from what they are.
You talk of being a burden. Yet if you left your family, do you think your father would be at peace, having gotten rid of a “burden”? It’s not about burden, it’s about natural parent-feelings that God put in our parents, that they are *supposed* to have for us. It’s the natural human nature, where the man protects the family and the woman takes cares of him and offers love and supports him while he’s at it. Women and men have different requirements to feel loved - a woman needs to be wanted, her feelings to be understood. But more than being understood, a man needs to feel trusted, depended on. These differences only reflect our relationships - men’s expression of love is to take responsibility. It’s not a “burden”. Parents face pains and joys in raising the “burden” of their kids, but there is satisfaction and fulfillment in that. And when their kids are off and married, they ache for old times when they took care of those “burdens”.
As for daughters versus sons? I’ve always known it differently. It is often daughters and not sons who remain lifelong caretakers and sympathizers of their parents. A sweet little rhyme I know of:
My son is my son
till he gets himself a wife.
My daughter is my daughter
for the rest of my life.
Your men take care of you, so you feel guilty. You don’t realize the guilt *they* would feel if they didn’t. You’re the reason they’re earning. You’re the meaning in their life. (This doesn’t mean of course, that you take advantage of them and splurge like crazy - I’m talking in terms of sensible females). Also, you talk the way you do because in your family, there is a man who’s earning for you and cares. I can tell you life is very different in a family where the man is *supposed* to earn, but would rather sit back and leave his family at the mercy of others’ responsibility. Family is a responsibility. The man is *supposed* to take care of it. And if he can’t, he’d better not get married.
Foreign family? No. Out of the house at 18? No. While I agree that the socialization of Middle Eastern woman is a little too spoilt, even in the West, it wasn’t like the way it is now until very recently - until industrialization and double-income family trends and the downfall of family values began.
Islam has given us respect and security, and other responsibilities that men cannot take. That doesn’t make us a burden. That just makes us meant for each other.
Answer to your question:
No, females of Arabia are a burden only if they are spoilt and cannot stop wasting money on luxuries. So maybe it feels that way because that’s the norm in rich Arabian countries. On the other hand I agree that they should be taught just a little more responsibility, so that *IF* bad times come, they’re able to fend for themselves, without a man.
January 15th, 2009 at
I am not married and with no responsibilities but still my mind is always in constant thinking of the family that will be coming from me. The responsibility I will be having once I get married. It often makes me think and cuz I think alot most of the times I am left with no answer to my questions.
I do have back plans but then again if one is a thinker like me who thinks about every tiny thing happening or might be happening then it becomes stressful!
January 15th, 2009 at
Well considering I am a guy I cannot speak on behalf of the women :P
But I think you’re putting tooooooo much thought - emotionally charged thought - into this. Women being a burden or not is really dependent on the family. Do you consider yourself a burden? It’s good if you are open and honest about this with your parents. Instead of running with the wrong thoughts all your life, it might be an eye opener if you talk to your parents about it.
January 15th, 2009 at
You have exactly EXACTLY the same family structure and fears that i have.
I am the eldest. I have two younger sisters, one works and one in college, and i have a brother who sounds like urs but have just finally started getting his life and job seriously.
You see, do not torment your self with the Q what if 3ogob 3mrn 6eweel dad passes away what if? You never know the answer, you never even know if u will outlive him or he will outlive all of your family.
In answer to your second Q, about retirment, my mom has retired five years ago and dad had just retired. of course both their income won’t be the same. But, from my part, the day i took my paycheck i offered to help out with them in the house, they almost strangled me. I did help out in other means, y3ni trips to jam3ya, lunches on me, buy things for the sister who exceeded her allowance. But they do not want any more. What u can do however, is ensure that they do not have to struggle with their money by spending on u and ur working sisters. Because, now you have a salary you can buy stuff for you, it will take a whole load off them mesakeen. Especially if they are the kind of proud parents who do not want ur financial help whether they need it or not…
Since i got my first check, i never took another kd from my parents. and this is the way i want it to be.
Now comes the point with marraige. Now, let’s say a man comes forwad asking for ur hand in marriage ok? or u love someone to bits and willing to jump a cliff behind him. One point you should note is, is he capable of taking responsibility of you as a man should? no, not financially as in buy me a 1000 kd lv bag and a 2000 kd chopard watch plus a ton of designer clothes o ma6a3m o safrat… no thats just plain mean. I mean is he willing to pay the rent on his own? Car fixings? Car loan? Maid? food? Basic clothing requirements by you? (it’s better if u handle it if he does all that on his own?)… then the non financial stuff… is he tekana? would stand up and help you out in problem solving and facing life? If for example ur family needs you, will it be able to depend on his help as if he is a son of theirs? Or no? because ur family especially as the eldest is ur responsibility whether u like it or not, ur third in charge. Is he willing to share it with you?
ibsara7a il ryal ilee malah kholg o in sar shay oho mayabee yet7amal mas2olyat mortah o her responsibilities… don’t waste ur time with him… becasue then you will have to take his responsibility plus ur families without help!
January 15th, 2009 at
Neoark: Have you ever been a single girl? or have you ever been with a single girl?
Your single neighbor might be lonely and scared of the way society looks at her, but that doesn’t mean that her life represents how a single’s life is just as much as the marriage of my married neighbor that gets abused daily with her son by her alcoholic husband doesn’t represent the life of a married family.
I can promise you that most single ladies in Sweden are enjoying their lives more than the majority of married women in Arab and Muslim countries.
January 15th, 2009 at
It depends on the girl and on the family I guess. Everyone plays their part, mostly when a family has raised their daughters well they do not become burdens. The emotional burden of worrying about their daughters though is one that usually comes with the territory of having kids. Most parent worry about their children regardless of their gender but girls slightly more because of the social structure of the Arab world. I am too lazy to type my whole hypothesis on the subject :-). Bottom line, if you are a spoiled brat then you are a burden if not then you are good.
January 15th, 2009 at
I missed replying guys because of work pressure ;( I will once I am free .. but I managed to scan your comments and I impressed by some :)
January 15th, 2009 at
Even the very best husbands and providers can fall on tough times, and need to be able to depend on their life partner (wife) to save the family. A good wife is a good steward of her own wealth, and her husband’s, and sets aside for the inevitable rainy day. A man can be suddenly unemployed, or disabled and a woman will be required to support the family. I have utter scorn for those who expect to be taken care of just because they were born female. Most women I know - wives and mothers and single women - all work hard, and have a good sense of value.
Hmm. I seem to be rambling. I am saying women are capable of amazing things, even supporting a family. We do it because we have to, and the smartest ones prepare themselves in case they need to assume those responsibilities.
January 15th, 2009 at
Nizar, my online friends are, they tell me complains, of single life, i know some independent women, i was talking about the ones living in USA, France and Australia.
seriously it’s lonely living in apartment alone for a guy, how about for defenseless woman!?
January 15th, 2009 at
- Nizar: You are still too young to get married anyways! When time comes you will just go say blindly ;p and marriage is the inevitable ending to every relation and in Islam it’s wajeb so don’t say you disagree or I will save this comment and blackmail you later on ;p
- Elegant Chic: I know don’t worry
- Jojo: ensha2 allah you get a whole team full of them
- Purp: YES 2 2 2 2 2 1 ;p
- Abdullah: ya3ny your comment is very enlightening! Yes sarcastically speaking of course, I am not saying we are a burden, I am feeling it.
- Neoark: wal wal wal! I get what you really want to say from your comment but what you meant to say “ el nesa2 shar la bodda menh” ;p
- Noon: Mo bas maddeyan, الشعور بإني كإمرأة غير قادرة على تحمل الحياة و بالأخص عند فقدان أحد المعيلين أو الوالدين صعبة
Women are very strong and capable but emotionally speaking we are very fragile and this is what worries me
- Anon: :) after this, I cannot add nor argue at all..
- AMU: Then we should both take it easy and it’s good that you have that nurturing nature in ya so I hope you do start a family soon :)
- KJ: No, I am not a burden – financially speaking and 7amdellah, we are living good and as any parents in the world who are able to give, mine are simply generous and very caring and they sacrificed and still do a lot so my only fear is from the unknown backstabbing future and what it holds for us.. This again, is something that we can’t run away from.
- Daddy’s Girl: I hope your brother continues like that, mine unfortunately doesn’t even think of getting a job. Yes we are similar in many ways and both my parents still work and retirement sounds scary a bit – leave money aside, to them I think it will be difficult for them or is it something that your parents went through easily? And the reason I say burden is because in the Arab World, boys are the backbone of the family and reliability falls on their backs. As for marriage, not in any way I mean ready meaning to afford those extravagant items that are not even necessary bas it mainly means if I as a wife fail to keep my job for any reason, my man would be able to stand on his own with the expenses let’s say I get really sick or I have a child with a certain disability or a disease which requires his attention and assistance without complaining and guarantees that he won’t ditch it all for his selfishness and that we’ve seen a lot no!
- Nizar: again, yes I assume they are because they managed to shed all the social phobias or one should say because they are different, they just don’t care
- Jessy: What do you think of me? ;p
- Intlxpatr: Amen to working strong females and yes to being at least emotionally prepared!
- Neoark: You will be shocked but I know the rest wont but women can actually be physically very strong even more than a man if certain threats are imposed on them. Yes, we are “weaker” than men in our body structure but I watched on TV one time that if a woman is about to be raped, with a single squeeze of her thigh bones together she could protect herself! Besides all the nails and the hair pulling and the loud shrieking voice – tone if in danger ;p
January 16th, 2009 at
Look at what this guy went through and how he dealt with it and you will find out that nothing really worth it. This guy’s wisdom is second only to Buddha.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0×5NIlLdsHQ
January 16th, 2009 at
:@
January 16th, 2009 at
evil female!!! <3
January 16th, 2009 at
Heheheh, from one empowered female to another “What other people think of you does not matter”.
January 17th, 2009 at
*still reading*
too tired to make a comment :)
January 17th, 2009 at
Chika: You mean that they care, they value life and not waste it on ancient promises of a infinitely long better life.