Signs of losing it!
I am no atheist,agnostic wala any other term they come up when it comes to my relationship with Allah but I am having my dark moments and although I was telling a friend enno shit like this is probably better off left inside rather than displaying “my dirty laundry” = literal translation of the Arabic phrase: أنشر غسيلي الوسخ to the mass public but here I go in hopes of me closing this chapter on this sick feeling for ever!
I was in the kitchen on Friday, bent down on my knees wiping the kitchen floor after doing the dishes and my mom’s catastrophic cooking ;p and it hit: “What good am I getting out of this life?!” !? this was followed by: “Wow, if this is what I deserve here and now, what would I see ba3deen – in my after life?!” <– since I am not working that much on that aspect honestly speaking.. I do pray, fast, donate, feel for others and believe but am just not “into it” ! yeah like the book! <– notice how opened minded I am on this matter eh!
Nowadays I only think of how unjust life is towards me (my family as well and I don’t want to go into details because it’s just pathetic) I KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT and don’t dare tell me it’s a test from Allah for those who have great faith it just doesn’t make sense! I have my dues I admit but mental wise, I think I am too fragile, weak, zeft to go through this without snapping and ohhhh yes, I have snapped quite badly, may I add. Damaged beyond fixing, my new tag line!
Leish ya Allah is this happening? (and no I am still engaged so shut up, it’s not about it although I feel it’s effecting us)
Leish ya Allah do you do this to us? (from the dad to the youngest sibling, there’s a serious issue) although my father prays like a gazillion times a day and he’s a sincere Muslim mesh one of those with fake le7yas and shit!
Leish ya Allah do you bring it out on me when I am the one who seriously helps and acts like a “sponge” when required!
Allah, are you taking away some of my sins before you take me soon!?
Allah, are those sinners- not just any sinners man! Those who publicly fuck around, drink and FUCK AROUND better than me?! Why do you give them more, comfort them more?!
Allah, what should I do?
*Addresses the devil= “No, I won’t kill myself or one of my family members!”*
February 8th, 2010 at
You’re not a victim of the world, only your own thinking. Change it up!!
Instead of assuming the worst, assume the best. See life working out, dont react, allow the moment to be just as it is.
There’s a nice quote that says:
“Things don’t happen to me, I happen to things.” – Winston Churchill.
February 8th, 2010 at
By the way, I loved your posts <3
February 8th, 2010 at
“نُمَتِّعُهُمْ قَلِيلا ثُمَّ نَضْطَرُّهُمْ إِلَى عَذَابٍ غَلِيظٍ”
سورة لقمان – سورة 31 – آية 24
February 10th, 2010 at
Ask yourself, what sounds more reasonable?
There is no one on the other side of the door, or he is just testing how long you are going to keep on knocking.
February 10th, 2010 at
:) Mohammed, you sound just like my father………….
February 15th, 2010 at
i loved the post!