Before I forget,

He heee, I stole Anil’s design and photo-shoped it since everybody else does it ;) <– big hint!

Married women, is there like a schedule you have for meals to cook everyday !? Or your imagination runs you wild o mashallah y’all are Martha Stewart wannabes! no seriously, if you work and you got like an hour n’ half to whip something up from scratch HOW DO YOU IT EVERY DAY?! and if you don’t what are the options? and do you get to go out like before?! Don’t start giving me the “when you get a baby it’ll be worse” talk I KNOW but why is there so much to do while there’s less time :( !

The End !

1. Do not think of sticking to a certain lane, god forbid it’s too boring!

2. Totally ignore the fact that there’s something called “breaks” in your car – 3ady ya3ny!

3. Signal lights!? You kidding me?! PASS

4. Traffic lights are conjunctions we wait at while staring at each other eh!

I tried my best to stop this guy from zooming in and out between cars but he ended up half way in the street and he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about it and I don’t either because driving here is SICK!

What I don’t understand is how this happened?! Speed, reckless driving, someone else caused it?!!!

I am no atheist,agnostic wala any other term they come up when it comes to my relationship with Allah but I am having my dark moments and although I was telling a friend enno shit like this is probably better off left inside rather than displaying “my dirty laundry” = literal translation of the Arabic phrase: أنشر غسيلي الوسخ to the mass public but here I go in hopes of me closing this chapter on this sick feeling for ever!

I was in the kitchen on Friday, bent down on my knees wiping the kitchen floor after doing the dishes and my mom’s catastrophic cooking ;p and it hit: “What good am I getting out of this life?!” !? this was followed by: “Wow, if this is what I deserve here and now, what would I see ba3deen – in my after life?!” <– since I am not working that much on that aspect honestly speaking.. I do pray, fast, donate, feel for others and believe but am just not “into it” ! yeah like the book! <– notice how opened minded I am on this matter eh!

Nowadays I only think of how unjust life is towards me (my family as well and I don’t want to go into details because it’s just pathetic) I KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT and don’t dare tell me it’s a test from Allah for those who have great faith it just doesn’t make sense! I have my dues I admit but mental wise, I think I am too fragile, weak, zeft to go through this without snapping and ohhhh yes, I have snapped quite badly, may I add. Damaged beyond fixing, my new tag line!

Leish ya Allah is this happening? (and no I am still engaged so shut up, it’s not about it although I feel it’s effecting us)

Leish ya Allah do you do this to us? (from the dad to the youngest sibling, there’s a serious issue) although my father prays like a gazillion times a day and he’s a sincere Muslim mesh one of those with fake le7yas and shit!

Leish ya Allah do you bring it out on me when I am the one who seriously helps and acts like a “sponge” when required!

Allah, are you taking away some of my sins before you take me soon!?

Allah, are those sinners- not just any sinners man! Those who publicly fuck around, drink and FUCK AROUND better than me?! Why do you give them more, comfort them more?!

Allah, what should I do?

*Addresses the devil= “No, I won’t kill myself or one of my family members!”*

*wiggles eyebrows* – Click on the picture to go to his website

1. Ida Corr Vs. FLG [ Let Me Think ABout It ] – Club mix

2. FLG [ Put Your Hands Up For Detroit ]

3. FLG Feat. Sneakerz [ Just Trippin' ]

4. FLG [ Heater - Samim, FLG Mix ]

And it’s not even just the mild one but honestly speaking, I find it very difficult welding within this society. No, I am not a weak pessimistic person that just rolls under a rock to hide nor am I lacking enough confidence to confront and stand up for my rights and speak when needed, it’s just that I am intimidated by certain responses and reactions from those around me. “Over sensitive” as they tell me and well guys, it is working fine for me! I don’t necessarily have to change so I would be in compliance with your likings or mood. This is what pisses me off the most, people misinterpreting being nice in a way to being “dumb” enough to just go along. I can’t!!

So what if I am “extra” friendly and I like getting to know people and not judge without giving these people the chance to literally reveal their personalities before I start acting like the jerk I am to some of you out there! It is my right in life to go through my experiences in spite the fact that I am putting my emotions on the line each and every time and daaaaaamn it hurts! IT HURTS! Yet, I learn!

One of the things that I hear more or less often is “Hejabi girl and you do the things you do!” sometimes the tone is very supportive and I appreciate it while others tend to belittle those activities that bring sheer pleasure to my already dull life, so how could you just come and judge me! Who said covering my hair would stop me from being free spirited, outgoing and energetic! Or is it only in our Arab societies dare I say Muslim ones; we have to comply to old folks tales and traditions and just stay home! Who does that now anyways!? I never asked to be fully equal with men in responsibilities and life styles and I am very content with what women achieved over the last years, we are much stronger, voicing out our opinions, contributing to our households and some are very successful. Unfortunately, views on such women are severely distorted and it makes me sick.. No further elaboration here, this is left to you to interpret, I will not attempt to impose my personal ideas on you.

Leave the stupid “outer look” – superficial  issue aside here and let’s go deeper:

- Social relations: No matter what you consider yourself are –gender wise– I totally respect and understand it as long as it doesn’t affect me personally. You see, Freedom doesn’t necessarily stand for ditching religious duties and beliefs. I also include to that my own principles that suit me quite well! Does not I hate / dislike certain groups of people but I can’t find myself going along.. Arab societies again, people here are so judgmental and I am going through rough times myself shoving off this certain “indictment” as I call it. It is funny to me though because you don’t know half of what’s inside of me and I really don’t feel like someone is THAT close to touching my soul, well a couple of you out there.

- Back to the Male- Female equality issue: If women can participate in almost every criteria of this community, why is considered rude or improper for a lady to freely express how she feels??

- Lack of real respect amongst humans: I swear to god, some guys and girls out there make you an asshole! It’s like they enjoy being abused or something!! They push you to the limit that you just have to get out of your norm and say something you know you shouldn’t so they’d blame you at the end. Well, from now on I will simply discard from the beginning to shun further complications in the future.. Problem is, half of them don’t really give a shit about you! So yeah..I will do the same!

- Rumors & gossip: This is not restricted to us Arabs bas I think that we have nothing better to do in our lives but bitch and complain. I do that a lot! But people, when it comes to reputations, we have to take a step backwards and think. Is that so hard to do!! I find myself weak here because unfortunately, I am still an Arab and I have a family to give back to as they took care of me throughout those years.

- Freedom: I can’t understand it here – would you explain to me to what extent can someone be free in this country? What is acceptable and what is not? How opened is this society to recent phenomena and external influence? And if you as a person don’t like what you’re seeing, are you willing to let others live their lives as they wish??

I am disappointed, but no I will not be hanging myself from one of the spotlights in my room!

“Do not judge, and you will never be mistaken.”
Rousseau {1712-1778) Swiss political philosopher

I AM OUT!

Most of you by know already know I hate reading, especially one of those dumb books (points at the picture above) but this book is spreading amongst ladies like a raging fire through a forest! Before I open my mouth and rant I would just like to tell you that relations in real life are not easily summed up in a book with “guidelines” for you to follow and the author is making money off your butts ! ballah shoo! yes really!! We all have to go through our unique experiences to learn and grow stronger not use those inadequate role models to direct our lives..

Book Description – Off Amazon
Do you feel like you are too nice?

Sherry Argov’s Why Men Love Bitches delivers a unique perspective as to why men are attracted to a strong woman who stands up for herself. With saucy detail on every page, this no-nonsense guide reveals why a strong woman is much more desirable than a “yes woman” who routinely sacrifices herself. The author provides compelling answers to the tough questions women often ask:

-Why are men so romantic in the beginning and why do they change?

-Why do men take nice girls for granted?

-Why does a man respect a woman when she stands up for herself?

Full of much-needed advice, hilarious real-life relationship scenarios, “she says/he thinks” tables, and the author’s unique “Attraction Principles,” Why Men Love Bitches gives you bottom-line answers. It helps you know who you are, stand your ground, and relate to men on a whole new level. Once you’ve discovered the feisty attitude men find so magnetic, you’ll not only increase the romantic chemistry in the relationship-you’ll gain your man’s love and respect with far less effort.

Hmm…

1. Why does being strong automatically make a woman a “bitch” !!?

2. What’s wrong with being nice these days!? 7aram!! Seriously! Can’t a woman just be spontaneous! walla would that make her a stupid bitch!

3. Why does a relation sound like some part of a gender war!! Tactics and strategies to lure and seduce!!

4. Why is it taboo for a woman to express her feelings openly without being ridiculed!!

Bottom line! I do not like this book! Powder! I won’t read this book! I refuse to “go with the flow”! I will get him my own way *wiggles my eyebrows*

I’ve been going through this weird thing for two days now… Loving those Egyptian tracks… Hossam Habib is my obsession *drools*

I listen to stories about locals asking for thousands of Dinars as dowry or a big house, even a new car! which is to be honest a bit too much! What happened to “let’s build our lives together” or “I love you and I’d live in a rat hole with you till we manage” which is unrealistic and totally irrational and that’s why I never follow my heart when it comes to the future to avoid any arguments and disasters. Don’t get me wrong, I do have a heart and in spite I try to “butch” up most of the time, inside I am dying to spice up my life with burning passion and romance.. I am still infatuated with the “fairytale” love story and the “happily ever after” kind of relation although most tell me I need to be grounded because things never end up that way.. I still believe.. will always do disregarding every “don’t think of giving up your life now and ditch the idea of marriage” comments that I get from some women who are already married AND have kids!!!! They talk about marriage like it’s an epidemic they are striving to get cured from.. weird I guess.

I know this is going to be long but pls bare with me as I get it off my chest..

I’ve received comments like: “You’re materialistic” – “You’re dreaming” – “You’re normal so look for someone normal like you” – “You don’t have the right to chose as you are older now” – “You need to get down” – “You have to change the way you think” – ‘You need to change” !!!

When it comes to your personal lives I do not think you would accept someone addressing these type of statements to you and I know for sure that you will go do the opposite just to prove a point so on what basis do you presume – assume that such “advice” is applicable on me!? Let me explain my situation in details:

I am successful, well that’s what I think of myself and I am entitled.. I live a good life – from a financial point of view ALTHOUGH like most of you out there, I do suffer and manage to find ways to fix patches and I am not ashamed to announce it, life is hard enough and we are not paid enough. I learn by experience, which is not pleasant most of the times but I am glad that I did go through shit and have my own scars than have life hit me later.. I hold a BA of Linguistics… I make a fairly good living.. I enjoy certain TV shows, food, shops to buy from.. countries to visit.. get what I am saying.. I have my own way of thinking. I am 28 years old, which is surely not young but I’m neither old as well! I mean, life doesn’t stop at that age unless God forbids I drop dead while typing this post! lol

So of course, I tend to be opinionated when it comes to my future, my wants in a man but that doesn’t mean I won’t budge or compromise. Being fully aware of every single detail makes things better for me:

1. If a man makes less money than me, I assume that would create problems later on, I am very dependent and would automatically butt in to fill gaps and I don’t think any man would like to be overpowered by a woman.

2. Some men are allergic to women who have a degree, no matter how open minded they are, it would still be an issue.. what would happen if I wanted to continue my Masters!?

3. My parents worked so hard to make everything possible so I basically come ready, where’s the materialistic part in that!!?!

4. Framing a guy within the “bigger family picture” is essential to me so am not a racist at the end, I want the best for all of us..

Am done here, let’s move on to my parents. I surely had my share of men proposing and some of them were nice but it never worked out but I have been watching my father closely and it’s high time I analyze his behavior:

He’s quiet… He doesn’t give a negative opinion UNLESS the person deserves it and I learned that he’s right most of the times so I shut up. He never directly asked for a mahar / dowry like other parents do and I remember the phrase “My daughter is like one of yours, I know you will make sure she is respected and appreciated” and that’s about it and if he ever did ask a guy for money, his response to me when I fight on that with him is: “He asked how much do you want for your daughter! Is he buying a car from the 7araj!” so now I understand why he was “different” when it came to that..

BUT, I seriously now believe that my father wants me to stay home the rest of my life, which is not bad at all yet it’s not fancy to think of.. There has to be a “glitch” in every person

1. His salary

2. His job

3. His family

4. His religious backgrounds – we are Sunna and he thinks we all should stick to our beliefs..

5. His behavior

6. Nationality! He is somewhat racist too (reminds me of so many girls that talk about the same thing) – I don’t know who am I gonna end up with (IF) but I know my father has a say on that..

Is he being extra cautious? Is it permissible? Is it justifiable? Is he too looking at the big picture for the future? I am sure he is but when he got married to my mother he stood against odds.. she is from a totally different country with different family values yet they did it… No one understand how things go in this life and yes they do have their ups and downs but he had the right to choose.

and with every guy who dares open this subject with me I have a gazillion questions, having my father in mind..

I can’t think of anything else to end up this post with but this:

“Papa don’t preach, am in trouble deep” ….

[Update]: Blog’s been reviewed :D A POSITIVE ONE THANK YOU!!! [ HERE ]

Ok! Since I can’t post comments on your blog because you have to disable the thingie, I decided to wish the best of luck Tiger on your wife hunt and enshallah all will go as you plan – of course – with Allah’s will and blessings..

Your [ new post ] was something I wanted to write about but got kinda hesitant because you know how people would react to such a post, especially from a female – they’d think I lost it completely :$ but what the heck! Ama do it anyways!

Since people think I have unrealistic demands – fictional characteristics that I seek in my future partner, here goes nothing and let’s argue about them if you want:

1. Metdayyen – somewhat religious / not too strict as in an extremist because I don’t want to be suffocated. I personally think that such issues come gradually and no one can force you to do what you are not convinced with – in.

2. Well mannered, well that comes with being metdayyen – religious and by that I mean he has to respect both my family and myself because to me that comes before love

3. Ambitious – in everything he does in life and by that I won’t have to worry about my future, as well as our kids with him. Someone already settled in his job and going up the career ladder.

4. Generous: knows when to appreciate his partner whenever required, with or without an occasion and is considerate.

5. Fun loving: I am a pessimist so I need someone who’s the total opposite :/

6. Hyper active because I am one myself and I sometimes go wild

7. Loves food! BUT has to help me maintain a healthy diet – figure because I tend to lose myself when it comes to food and I am not only talking about junk food, I cook very well and this worries me because I sometimes think of meals I will be cooking my partner and I imagine me preparing two different dishes (one diet – other normal) and that’s not smart :$

8. Into sports and going the gym. I am addicted to steps and spinning!

9. Loves entertainment: which includes music, movies, games, gaming consoles! you name it!

10. INTERNET FRIENDLY: either runs his own blog, has FB, reads blogs.. whatever! as long as he knows what I am talking about when I sit in front of him ranting about some post ;)

11. Extremely romantic: roses, chocolate and the whole chebang!!

I won’t talk about trust and crap because I will be with the guy most of the time and he will be around my friends and family so yup..

Let’s move on to looks:

1. Now, to me this guy has to be tall, I am a shortie myself

2. Good looking, not handsome – not pretty but a face that I would feel happy staring at when I wake up in the morning and before sleeping at night

3. Kinda slim – fit

4. Either baldy or keeps his hair short, trimmed and clean

5. preferabbly darker skin tone than mine *thinking of the kids*

6. PERSONAL HYGIENE people! He has to be obsessed with his self – not OCD but very clean and well “preserved”

7. Casual kinda guy that wouldn’t jump into his denim pants and any shirt to go out yet when it comes to formal attire, he does it the best – ok, bottom line knows fashion and what’s in or out!

ok.. If you know me in person and think there are things I left out pls do add to my list ;)

I seriously feel like crack opening my skull, sticking both my hands in and literally pulling out all those bad ideas and delusions that effect me on a nearly daily basis.. I am so sick of myself! It reached a level where I am doubting God with all the bad luck I am going through or my mishaps! It’s not real I swear!

My basic problem now is marriage, especially me being close to my third decade and that’s not helping at all… It’s not that I don’t get attention from guys or it’s not like no one proposed but I am lost or should I say confused when it comes to making a decision about a life partner – let’s call it a case of “cold feet” although when time comes “enshallah” I won’t be a runaway bride!

Too many red lines one has to be careful not to cross and it’s vital that both the guy and the gal are aware of what they are going into because I hate it when someone acts upon an impulse!! Marriage is eternal to me.. no divorce is allowed in my family so I expect the same for me..

It’s just hard for me to “go down” a bit – lower the bar for the guys who propose, I mean I waited that much and I deserve something good.. if not better than other at least! I am not being envious but life is not fair when it comes to certain women getting the “best” according to this life time and I know I am drifting away from religion especially lately but how people act with me doesn’t make it better!

- Do not control me… I would give in to you with just a simple smile on your face or a tender look into my eyes

- Do not take me away from things that I like, this is what makes me as a human being

- I love having friends and I’d REALLY love to be with my man amongst a group of friends and be proud of him

- Religion is about tolerance not forcing someone to do what YOU want and use the excuse: “Because I want the best for you”! it drives me crazyyyyy!!!

I am not happy at all… I am social… I will never stop being social… I need a man… I would love to have kids… I need to settle down.. No need to do it by suffocating and killing my soul.

I want to continue studying… I want to travel the world… I want to have fun… I want to love madly and go willlllllllld!

I am OUT!